well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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