my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
