I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
