Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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