pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
