you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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