i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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