she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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