dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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