i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize