That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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