I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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