I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
