is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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