I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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