I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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