how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I looked at my own cervix.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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