Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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