party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
