i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
