Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Randomize
