aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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