I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize