THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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