Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
