Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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