my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize