Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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