The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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