bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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