whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
