So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My vagina just clenched in fear
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
