Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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