Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Actions speak louder than pants.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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