Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
