You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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