he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
