If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
