I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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