I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
