My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
why do cheetos always look like penises
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
