I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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