Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
