You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
