so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
