so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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