I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
