So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
