How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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