No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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