I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
