Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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