the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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