Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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