I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
