I faked an abortion last night.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
