I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
