Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
