You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I did not marry a roomba.
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