i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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