we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize