I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
