So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize