filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
my liver is dry heaving
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
