I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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