Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
