i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
