Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
