I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
