Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
