and she was petting her beer can
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
