it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
