She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
