One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
