She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
