Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
