She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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