Sorry, I don't speak sober.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
