Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
