Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
