I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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