I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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