is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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