I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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