I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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